You Had a Baby Abroad and Feel Overwhelmed? It Might Be Postnatal Depression

The birth of a child is a life-changing experience that transforms many areas of a woman’s life. Alongside feelings of happiness and awe, it can also bring deep exhaustion, sadness, and a sense of inner emptiness. For many women, a temporary low mood in the first days after birth—often called the baby blues—is normal. But if these symptoms persist or intensify over weeks or months, it could be a sign of postnatal depression.

What is Postnatal Depression?

Postnatal (or postpartum) depression is a serious mental health condition that affects around 10–15% of mothers. It usually develops within the first three to six months after childbirth but can also appear later. Unlike the short-lived baby blues, postnatal depression is more intense, lasts longer, and significantly impacts daily life and well-being.

Common symptoms include:

• Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or emotional numbness

• Irritability, sleep disturbances (even when the baby is asleep)

• Guilt, self-doubt, or feeling like a “bad mother”

• Difficulty bonding emotionally with the baby

• Withdrawing from social contact

• Trouble concentrating or feeling unmotivated

• Anxiety or panic attacks

Important: These symptoms are not a sign of weakness or personal failure—they are the signs of a treatable medical condition.

Extra Challenges for Migrant and Expat Mothers

Living in a foreign country can increase emotional vulnerability in the postpartum period. As a migrant or expat woman, you may be dealing with:

• Language barriers when seeking support or expressing emotions

• Lack of family support nearby or feelings of isolation

• Cultural differences in how motherhood, mental health, or emotional needs are understood

• Insecure residency, housing, or employment situations

• Grief or disconnection from your roots, traditions, and community

These added stressors can amplify feelings of loneliness, overwhelm, or inadequacy. But your struggles are real and valid—and you are not alone.

What Causes Postnatal Depression?

Postnatal depression develops from a mix of biological, psychological, and social factors:

• Hormonal shifts after birth

• Physical exhaustion, sleep deprivation

• Emotional overwhelm or identity shifts

• Personal history of mental health struggles

• Relationship stress, financial insecurity, or isolation

• Unrealistic expectations of motherhood

These challenges can disrupt your emotional balance—especially when the reality of life with a newborn feels far from what you hoped or imagined.

The Role of Systemic Therapy

Systemic therapy is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy that can be particularly helpful when family or relational patterns contribute to emotional distress. Rather than seeing you as isolated or “the problem,” it views your experiences in the context of your relationships—with your partner, your baby, your culture, and the broader social environment.

Below are some key systemic therapy methods that can support your healing.

Systemic Approaches That Can Help

1. Genogram Work: Understanding Your Family Story

A genogram is a visual family map that includes not just people and generations, but emotional patterns, roles, and beliefs. Exploring it in therapy can help answer questions such as:

• How was motherhood viewed in your family or culture?

• What silent expectations were passed down?

• What inner beliefs about “being a good mother” are influencing you now?

This reflection can free you from outdated or unrealistic standards.

2. Resource Orientation: Finding What Strengthens You

Systemic therapy emphasizes your inner strengths and support systems, even when they feel buried under stress. You may be asked:

• When was the last time you felt calm or connected?

• Who or what gives you energy or comfort?

• What helped you cope in difficult times in the past?

Together, you uncover both internal resources (like resilience, creativity, emotional intelligence) and external ones (a friend, a faith practice, a local support group).

3. Involving Your Social Network...or building one

Therapy can involve your partner, close friends, or relatives—especially when communication issues, misunderstandings, or role conflicts exist. Examples:

• Couples or family sessions to better share responsibilities and reduce blame

• Circular questioning to build empathy (e.g., “How do you think your partner sees your exhaustion?”)

• Role-plays or scene reenactments to try new ways of responding to stressful situations

Especially as a newcomer or expat, building a support network, even small and imperfect, is a crucial part of healing. Starting motherhood in a new country can feel incredibly isolating—but building a support network in Germany is possible, even if you're just beginning.

Many cities and towns offer Eltern-Kind-Gruppen (parent-child groups), where you can meet other mothers in informal settings. Your Hebamme (midwife) may also know local resources and groups. If you speak English, search for expat parenting communities on platforms like Facebook, Meetup, or local WhatsApp groups—these are often welcoming and multilingual. Some family centers (Familienzentren) offer open play sessions, baby cafés, or counseling, and nonprofit organizations like Wellcome, Caritas, or Pro Familia may provide help navigating childcare, legal rights, or emotional support. Don’t hesitate to introduce yourself, even in simple German—many mothers are also looking for connection.

Every friendly face counts, and one conversation can open the door to feeling less alone.

4. Externalizing the Problem: You Are Not the Depression

Systemic therapists often treat the depression as an outside force, not your identity. This “externalizing” helps you regain agency.

For example:

“Imagine the depression is like a grey cloud that’s following you. What helps you step out from under it, even for a minute? What message is this cloud bringing? How can you reduce its influence over your day?”

This technique can lessen guilt and create room for action.

5. Reframing: Finding New Meaning

Reframing means looking at your thoughts from a different angle—without denying the pain. For instance:

• Instead of: “I’m a bad mother because I don’t feel happy.”

• Try: “I care deeply about my baby—that’s why I’m worried. And recognizing I need help is a sign of strength, not failure.”

This shift in meaning can reduce self-blame and increase self-compassion.

What You Can Do for Yourself

Alongside professional help, here are small but meaningful steps that can support your healing:

• Talk openly about how you’re feeling—even if it’s difficult.

• Ask for and accept help from friends, partners, midwives, or therapists.

• Let go of perfectionism. There is no ideal mother—just good-enough ones.

• Structure your day in small blocks. Even short breaks count as self-care.

• Move your body gently, go outside, breathe deeply. Tiny rituals matter.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your symptoms last for several weeks, interfere with daily life, or prevent you from feeling joy or connection, please reach out for support. Postnatal depression is highly treatable—and the earlier you seek help, the better your recovery.

Where to begin:

• Therapists trained in systemic or perinatal therapy

• Psychiatrists with experience in maternal mental health

• Midwives with additional training in emotional care

• Support groups for expat or migrant mothers (online or local)

Even in a foreign country, you have a right to mental healthcare. You deserve support that understands your unique journey.